Teddy Bear WeBlog

huahuahua!!!
i forgot to post in this blog wehh.. too freaking long edi ehh
why i never notice?? hurm.. probably forgot or too busy with my life

i tot i would be free after the school life over
but i was wrong
my work became double after i finished high school

oh ya!!!
if anyone would like to read and anything interesting happened to me
these few days
well.. maybe its abit emotional ehehhe…

this website please

okey. i just woke up like 30 mins ago
and i really starved..
so, i gtg now..

and don worrie.. i will update this blog
from time to time
but it just hehehe.. long abit =D

wat if… one day, u wake up in a beautiful.. no, not beautiful. but strange peaceful place.. wif no worries neither do problems.. wat will u do?

i willingly to pay wif my own life to get an opportunity like that. i mean, who doesn’t? maybe not u, but if me.. huh! i’ll try my best dude..

ok. tomoro is the beginning of spm latih tubi. spm is a big word that usually (urr…. i think i’ll stick to always) make me feel like i’m dying. haha. i wanna finish it now!!

huaaa…. okok.. naz, control ur hormone XD soo.. wish me all the best alrite? even if its just a LATIH TUBI… its still considered as an exam rite?? don worie.. will report it

geez… its five oclock edi n i still cant close my eyes or even dream wat i suppose to. syish. keep thinking the same thing over and over again. SPM! wow. wat a big word. this is wat they called the "scariness" of SPM n also the dugaan… of a SPM student like me..

i’m not smart. dats the main reason y i’m scared i guess. haha. but is it matter anyway? yea. i think it is. i wanna success more den my own father. HAHA. wait for it, papa. surely i can get a better job of coz.. BIGGER salary. nyehehehe.

papa, mama… i promise u this. i will try my hardess in order 2 get flying colours for my SPM. yea, i’m not a really honest or even good daughter to u. but i really promise this. i hope i can. ma, pray for me please.

hehe. for this title.. surely every1 is wondering y. ok, i am going 2 complain for a bit. y not? i felt like as if i’m useless back then. wanna noe y? OK. let me tell u the summary!

firstly… i used to backbones operations.. i even did it for 8 times already… for allah sake.. ish.. now, not onli my back.. but instead, i’ve met an accident (bad english, i think)…

now i can barely move. my knee damn painfull each n everytime i start to walk. did i tell my mom bout me? DURH!! of coz not. u nuts ar? whenever i said i’m in pain, ma.. her face surely changed from happy mode to sad one. so, there u go. now.. should i tell her?

besides that, now… i have a cacated leg. syish.. my knee… doesn’t look like a knee at all. doc, y u lied to me? u said that everything would be fine.. u lied. i have a PERMANENT scar that stick on my knee! how i suppose to wear skirt in da future huh?!!

ya allah… is this one of ur obstacles for me? y me? y not them?? y not the people whoever tried 2 humaliate me!!! the one who said my home is in da hospital?? the one who start to call me names!! n certainly.. y not the people who always make fun of me!!

haii… even if i complained.. i felt useless.. sorry but i really feel it. it seems dat i have to bersabar again. eventhough i donno until when i would have various of penyakit and also stupid accidents dat effect my moods n also my body..

i felt like everything is going to kill me. even if i don wan to, i cant help it. i felt used. n yea, my mom is still for me.. i love u ma.

well.. people do say.. when u’re gonna have big things happens to u such as SPM =_="… these things do happen.. but actually… i always get these types of things since i was a LITTLE KIDDO!!! thats certainly show "NOT FAIRRR!!!"

huh! donno wat to say nomore… wow. i typed so much.. but now onli 5.10?? syish… tomoro i got presentation to do. hope i can get through it. eventhough its not hard to do. but still, scared to death!!!

stupid lah iklan tepi ni. "stay motivated"… how i supposed to do that if i have these things happening to me…

anyway, i have to open up my eyes every morning n show my smile to everyone i see. somehow, it made me happy and relieve. its okay.. eventhough i noe.. most of my friends are fake. totally fake. they onli friends wif me… just to take advantage from me. yupe.. its true.

but this is high school rite? even if i don like it, i have to accept it. y? coz it is the only thing that can make me feel comfortable.. n in order for me to have someone to chat in school… yea.. i’m lonely.. not having true friends…

haih… okay.. now i feel dizzy… rite… so, i think i muz make my move now. sorry if this passage bothering u. so, don! okay?

i couldn’t sleep tonight. i donno y. maybe i’m thinking too much bout it or too less bout it. but y do i have 2 remember bout it at the first place? not important right… i guess..

the results… and alot and alot of new events such as my mother and sister’s friends’ weddings.. wow! thats kinda alot of words. haha. anyway, i hate 2 go 2 weddings..

y? i donno y. maybe coz i don have nice gurl clothes to wear? n i’m not da type of gurl who suitable to such ocassions? well, my mom gonna kill me if she knows bout this but i really dislike it. cant say hate it coz someday soon i’ll be having my own wedding rite??

should i go to the camp or not? hurm… i can escape from da wedding but i have 2 attend the camp. which wan should i choose? can some1 out there please give me some ideas???

time passed so fast. i didnt realised its already 1 o’clock in da morning.. urgh! i got tuisyen class tomoro morning.. or should i say… 8 more hours?? haha XD i miss my teacher so much!! and my friends.. hehe.. they’re so cute.. huhu..

anyway.. i think i must go now. coz i heard that my mom is COMING! oh o… i’m in trouble. haha.

merdeka!!!

haha… i’m not supposed 2 do dat rite… but i did.. coz i love to shout it loud! damn…. 2 weeks of hell finished…

but by nex week, i’m a dead meat. 2 days absence from school, 3 days presence n there will be part of school year dat i really love… mid term holidays! yahoo!

mom said wanna bring me to miri, s’wak.. juz to visit my pet family. i barely noe them ma. how i suppose to go there??

i’m sorry 4 wat has happened. none of these things i planned. everything happened when i realised that even after i studied so hard, and of course paid attention in each and every class i attended… i still failed to get flying colours. yeap. definitely. why? teacher said i didnt do enough exercises. oh really? so, what do u call "no time playing, 24/7 study" schemes that i’m having now for therse 5 fucking months! damn i pissed off.

try and imagine this for instant. do u now the ninja turtle movie?? i cant even watch a 2-hours movie just becoz i have to study at home. if not study, try and see my time table. where is my goddamn own free time huh?? my tuisyen is fulled! for crying out loud. my mom disallowed me neither to read nor buy my fav comics! i understand that she cares bout my results but does she thinks bout what i really need?? A BREAK! i am tired… fucking tired of my own life!

some says i’m not grateful, for what i have. i’m grateful enough, but i dont understand why the hell i must face through these circumstences. cant i be a normal person??? yes, i want GREAT results. no pain, no gain. but why?? why i have this freaking pain at my back? as my balasan?? shit lah. now, i’m absolutely not normal in thinking. i donno wat to do, wat to think… cant differenciate between which is right and which is wrong… and i cant stop thinking and ask myself, "whats wrong with me?"

and all the above will end up… wif… donno. BAGEIRO! i feel like sleeping.. sleeping and there’s no more excuse or any reasons for me to wake up. sleep forever and ever. i can bear wif it if my life ends here. no one cares bout it either. rather than i make stupid decisions again…

e.x.a.m

okk…. now its time to panic!! help!! XD well… first, bm and sej kinda freak me out. i tot i’m da only one tak bace… haha =3 who knows… da whole class haven’t read! gee.. thanx dear.

haih… cant wait untill the exam finished.. but when it is finished.. got another prob.. another stupid follow-up operations.. cant really rely on it anyway. have to find some other way to escape it.. (like as if i can)…

back to da story, doc said i have another two or three operations.. i cant differenciate between good or bad news. which wan is it anyway in dis case? but who knows? after a few more, maybe i’ll be alright. yeap. i hope so.

uit..! its time. so sorry but really. have to go. got a movie to watch. spiderman!!! hehehe ^^

time passed really fast until i didnt even realise dat the holidays have gone! haihz, must stat the school again. must stand up n sing negaraku in school~ hahaha

besides that, now onli i noticed i post the sequel of "l.o.v.e" a lil bit late. i am really sorry. have alot of stuff to do these nowadays. so, what can i say more bout it?

before i knew the story of adam and hawa in my religion, my friend told me this story bout true love that i really donno whether it is truly exist or not. the story begins like this:

"God created alot of humans in this world. but before all of them are borned in this world, He seperated a man’s heart to put in a lady’s body. each and every person in this world have their own partner. they just need to find their other half of heart"

i know this story is abit "kookoo". but sometimes i feel like its true. dont u think?

ok guys. today’s topic is bout love. yuckz (kinda hate it) but its for my frend. she really need my "guidance". haha XD gurl.. dis is the notes i got last night..

when we say we love dat person… how specific we can say? is it like "ur glass will be never empty for i’ll be your wine"?? well.. u cant ukur love, of course. it is hard 2 confess 2 a person how deeply in love ar u in. don say its easy first!

i nvr believe dat confession is an easy job. yep, hadapi it once. during my pmr year (2005)… obviously, i was in love wif the guy that i noe will nvr even look at me wif a straight eye-to-eye. but god knows how happy i am when he realised n began to friend wif me. i didnt tell him i like him coz i noe dat will really effect our friendship. i onli keep to myself untill today. seriously man.. syish~

lets talk after couple… yep.. dat word.. c.o.u.p.l.e really freak me out sometimes. but, ppl do want it b4 their marriage rite? not all but most of them. hah! don say no k?? i noe wat u think. huh~ back 2 da topic… how u wanna tell that he/she is loyal 2 u? shit seyh.. cant really tell..

da onli thing u can do is just be urself when u wif dat person. please treat him/her good like the way u treat ur own frend. sometimes its better dat way coz couple is for u 2 be rapat wif ur pasangan not shy shy cat like as if u’re an anime character okey??

one thing straight… don be a fool. when he/she ask u.. "wat u wanna eat?" please… i remind u again.. PLEASE don say dat "anything u like".. eventhough that person is smiling doesnt mean he/she really good wif it. really sarcastic anyway if u do it all the time. come on! u have to have ur own kehendak. wat u wan.. wat u need.. don juz follow! like a kid lar.. aiyoyo…

aiseyman.. cant really continue now. have to teman my mom tomoro go pasar.. buy food.. buy da telor.. aiyoo.. klah, the second version is tomoro night. wait ya~

hey, hows everybody today? hehe. hope u guys have a great time.

frankly, i don really have anything to say. but i really want to say i’m sorry if i made anything wrong with u or anyone in my short life. well, i don think i’ll live longer like every1 else.

since the year 2000, i discovered something bout myself. no news is good news right? unfortunately, i overheard my parents and the doctor when they were discussing and yea… i’m not healthy back then. i thought its all over but its not.

things became much worse from dat day. first, i have a great migraine. then, i have a backache that cause me a back bone operation for twice. and now, i barely walk. both of my pinggang are getting worse, they are very painfull each n everytime i try to walk.

i know it is a good news to the people who hates my presence in the school, home, even in extra classes. but only god knows how hard and how pain it is that i barely tahan right now. i donno until when i will be like this. but believe me. i really want it to end.

its not me who decides all of this right? of course i’m sad. who say i’m not? people only see me smiling just because i hate to show my sadness.. my pathetic kesihatan..

i love to joking with my friends. whenever i absent to school, i’ll ask them whether they miss me onot? but malangnye, most of them will say no. cause they noe i always sick n whenever i absent, its either i was sick or i must be in the hospital. they said it and laugh bout it without realising that those words… really hurt me.

like i wrote earlier. i am not the one who decides what’s gonna happen to me. it is destined to be this way. i don have the authority to stop it but i only can avoid it. seriously, its not that easy to be done. and it will not last forever.

i’m scared but sometimes i felt that i just see all my friends to be sad. i want to die. commit suicide or whatever it is. i want to end all of these. i’ve had enough! i want each and every friend of mine will feel pain and regret with my absence. but at the same time, i feel kesian to my family who really love me. u noe, i really wanna change myself. and who doesnt??

"i am not a perfect person"